{"id":575,"date":"2017-01-25T12:19:53","date_gmt":"2017-01-25T12:19:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.deepcenterforgrowth.com\/deep-center-training\/?p=575"},"modified":"2017-01-25T12:19:53","modified_gmt":"2017-01-25T12:19:53","slug":"the-cornerstone-of-good-therapy-do-your-own-work","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.deepcenterforgrowth.com\/deep-center-training\/2017\/01\/the-cornerstone-of-good-therapy-do-your-own-work\/","title":{"rendered":"The Cornerstone of Good Therapy? Do Your Own Work!"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Cracked<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

My jaw tightens to hold back a roar of anger and anguish as I listen to my new client describe emotional abuse at the hands of a former therapist. The mama-bear-therapist in me wants to rip this guy\u2019s throat out so that he can\u2019t ever harm another client. Ever.<\/p>\n

Sadly, a few sick people defile the integrity of our profession and make a mockery of the tender relationships we invite people to enter when they walk into our therapy offices.<\/p>\n

Though this kind of outright therapist abuse is rare, I hear too many stories about how a therapist (who means well) gets triggered into behaving in negative\u2014even if not abusive\u2014ways toward a dysregulated client because the therapist is unable to manage her own emotional states and recognize her internal biases as they arise in session. Worse, the therapist is too defended to recognize their part in the disruption and explore it on behalf of the client\u2019s healing.<\/p>\n

Certainly every <\/em>therapist will at some point enact something negative from a client\u2019s past. That\u2019s inevitable in the healing process. (More about enactments to come in future posts.) But the key to using these enactments on behalf of the client\u2019s healing vs. allowing them to re-traumatize the client is for the therapist to have at least a few brain cells of awareness of what is happening, to be curious about his part in it, and to be confident and humble enough to explore what happened and make repairs.<\/em><\/p>\n

In our work we invite trust. We invite vulnerability<\/a>.<\/em><\/h4>\n

When people trust us with their vulnerability, they can become raw and dysregulated. That\u2019s the nature of the work. And our clients are impressionable in this vulnerability\u2014they care what we think of them and believe that the ways we behave toward them are models of how they should<\/em> be treated.<\/p>\n

So when we invite this kind of trust in us and our abilities, we\u2019d better be damn sure we\u2019re worthy of that trust by being:<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 strong enough to regulate intense emotions\u2014our own and our clients\u2019,<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 aware of our foundational therapeutic goals [link, what and why] at all times,<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 empathic enough to treat their (and our own) vulnerability with care and compassion, and<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 familiar enough with our own internal worlds and biases to be able to feel our emotions and reflect on them at the same time, without defensiveness.<\/p>\n

The best way to build this capacity to understand the vulnerability involved in being a client? The best way to learn how to regulate intense emotions? The best way to develop the dual awareness needed to understand the complexities of emotional interactions between us and our clients?<\/p>\n

Is to go to therapy ourselves!<\/em><\/strong><\/h4>\n

My own therapy was at least as important as my graduate school coursework in training me to be a solid, trustworthy therapist. My own therapy gave me a foundation of humility, gentle confidence in my own presence<\/a>, and unshakeable trust in the unfolding process<\/a> of the therapeutic relationship.<\/p>\n

No matter how emotionally secure and stable we are, it\u2019s only<\/em> by doing our own deep internal work that we can understand how truly vulnerable it is to be a client. It\u2019s only by exploring our own deep pains, insecurities, and childhoods within the context of a relationship with a caring other that we develop the capacity to deeply recognize, understand, and regulate our own emotions and internal biases. (And we ALL have pain and insecurity; we ALL have internal biases; and we\u2019ve ALL been children with developing brains. No excuses!)<\/p>\n

But it\u2019s rare for counseling graduate schools and state licensing boards to require therapists to receive their own therapy!<\/p>\n

It\u2019s actually possible for a person to become a therapist without having ever received a single hour of therapy!<\/em><\/strong><\/h4>\n

I encourage everyone I know to ask prospective therapists whether they\u2019ve had therapy and what they\u2019ve learned from it. I actively discourage everyone I know from entering therapy with anyone who hasn\u2019t done his\/her own internal work, or who won\u2019t refer to it with their clients. It\u2019s THAT important.<\/p>\n

Doing your own therapy will help you to practice in a naturally ethical way and help you to enjoy your work more, because it will<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 help you to heal your own emotional past, freeing you to experience a wide array of emotions in your own life and in your clients;<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 free you from believing you must be perfect; and<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 give you the mindful awareness and freedom from defensiveness to recognize when you are enacting emotional states from your client\u2019s past, allowing you to step out of the fray and work toward healing.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s worth the risk, time, and money.<\/em><\/p>\n

Your work will flourish.<\/em><\/p>\n

You\u2019ll naturally recognize ethical behavior.<\/em><\/p>\n

Your clients will be safe.<\/em><\/p>\n

Your self<\/strong> will blossom.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Have you done your own therapeutic work? Why or why not? Do you understand what you can gain from therapy? If so, what strengths have you gained from your own therapeutic work? If not, how can you look your clients in the eye and tell them that therapy works?<\/em><\/strong><\/h4>\n

_______<\/em><\/strong><\/h4>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/strong>(If you or someone you know has experienced abuse by a therapist, please seek support. A wonderful place to start is www.therapyabuse.org<\/a>.)<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

  My jaw tightens to hold back a roar of anger and anguish as I listen to my new client describe emotional abuse at the hands of a former therapist. The mama-bear-therapist in me wants to rip this guy\u2019s throat out so that he can\u2019t ever harm another client. Ever. Sadly, a few sick people defile the integrity of our profession and make a mockery of the tender relationships we invite people to enter when they walk into our therapy offices. Though this kind of outright therapist abuse is rare, I hear too many stories about how a therapist (who […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-575","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"acf":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.deepcenterforgrowth.com\/deep-center-training\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/575","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.deepcenterforgrowth.com\/deep-center-training\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.deepcenterforgrowth.com\/deep-center-training\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.deepcenterforgrowth.com\/deep-center-training\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.deepcenterforgrowth.com\/deep-center-training\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=575"}],"version-history":[{"count":16,"href":"http:\/\/www.deepcenterforgrowth.com\/deep-center-training\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/575\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":592,"href":"http:\/\/www.deepcenterforgrowth.com\/deep-center-training\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/575\/revisions\/592"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.deepcenterforgrowth.com\/deep-center-training\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=575"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.deepcenterforgrowth.com\/deep-center-training\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=575"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.deepcenterforgrowth.com\/deep-center-training\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=575"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}