What Are We Doing and Why? The Touchstones of Undoing Aloneness and Reflecting Worthiness

A new client began to cry in the middle of our second session. She immediately turned away in shame, hiding her face behind an impenetrable wall of curly, dark hair. I gently asked her what had happened, there in that flash of a moment of turning away. “I hate to cry. It’s weak.” I only knew a little of her history, but enough to imagine my way into her experience. “If your dad was so cruel to you with his words, I can imagine that he might have humiliated you for crying.” A vigorous nod, while still looking away. “Yeah. […]

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Be First; Add Techniques Later: Do You KNOW That Your Presence Matters?

I’m sure it’s not news to you that studies of the therapeutic process always reveal that the relationship between client and therapist is what fosters healing and growth. More recent studies show that most of the healing that happens in this relationship occurs within the resonant connection between our inner worlds. According to Daniel Siegel and Allan Schore (and many, many others), the essence of connectedness that relieves pain and fosters growth, is our ability to tune in, attend, and respond to our client’s inner experience. Healing happens when we focus on the flow of what’s happening in the room […]

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